Gachat | Text

[willworkfordps]

Good evening, fellow doomed people. We should come up with a better name than that.

This is Orion Kislev, Level 70 Healer/Chronomancer, formerly. In case any of you come from a planet that doesn't have video games for some reason, this whole place seems to be based on those to some extent, and that means we're probably all doomed to get addicted to whaling for Orbs deep into the hours of the night. As soon as we figure out how that works, anyway.

So far, we mainly have this whole... slime... situation. I've spent a bit of time over on Slimeworld and it seems like it gets pretty complex once you get into it. Judging by the info I've been able to pick up, you'll need a combination of opposing gem slimes and color slimes to stand a chance in the harder dungeons, then to focus on long chains of 4-combos to maximize damage output. Or something, I'm still sorting out the details.

These pink slimes, though. I went over all the numbers, talked to any locals I could about any kind of secret special powers they have or anything. As far as I can tell, nothing. They're bullshit trap options with no redeeming characteristics, and I have a sneaking suspicion that this Sensei person does not have our best interests at heart.

No idea what to make of the pulls. I got a 5-star right off the bat, so either I'm blessed with abnormal luck or the rates are actually pretty decent. I'm gonna be trying to sort out the game mechanics for this world as I go, since none of this came with a particularly helpful instruction manual. Let me know if you figure anything out, I'm gonna try to get a wiki together eventually.

Orion out.

Comments

[itemer]

...Why is that five stars then?

[willworkfordps]

No, lousy as in it has a whole lot of them. It's very good.

[itemer]

Not gonna lie I kind of hate you for that right now.

[willworkfordps]

Don't hate me. Hate the arbitrary whims of fate and the RNG.

[itemer]

And your S-ranked luck.

Private Message

[willworkfordps]

By the way, I have a series of stupid questions for you.

1: Do you remember any part of your life pre-patch?

Private Message

[itemer]

1. I remember playing the game pre-patch. Offline life not so much.

I remember some facts but not like memories of them. If that makes sense. Like I know we were in college together. But trying to put a picture to it doesn't happen.

[willworkfordps]

That answers 2, you remember that you knew me before the game. I'm missing everything pre-patch and a lot of shit post-patch that's making what I DO remember real confusing.

OK fuck it 3. Was I trans?

[itemer]

Dude what?

[willworkfordps]

I told you they were stupid.

All I have to work with here is some out-of-context jokes and shit. From what I can piece together it seems pretty likely but if you remember more than I do it's something I would love to be clear on.

[itemer]

Yeah no I got nothing.

[willworkfordps]

Shit.

[itemer]

It's so nice of this place to take our memories like that. Five-star regain, Remember Your Gender.

[willworkfordps]

This is bullshit.

Have you checked out slimeworld yet?

[itemer]

Have I mastered Slime Bejeweled yet? No.

I checked it out but not for very long. I've been busy trying to make sure my new roomie doesn't set the place on fire.

[willworkfordps]

Bad roommates? Shit sucks. Mine's a cat.

[itemer]

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU HAD A CAT I LOVE CATS

[willworkfordps]

No, like. A person cat.

Oh god, I just realized that I am technically living with a catgirl.

[itemer]

Oh. So like the beastmen from IF that people only use to make catgirls.

I almost did too. Bullet dodged there I guess.

[willworkfordps]

Seriously I don't think I ever encountered a male beastman avatar the whole time I was playing. It's almost uncanny.

1/2

[itemer]

I try not to think about it.

[itemer]

But is your catgirl roommate cute? Asking for a friend.

[willworkfordps]

Here I am, day 1 in my new life, and you're already asking me to objectify my roommate. For shame, Ember.

[itemer]

Right you wouldn't know cute if it bit you in the ass anyway.

[effthecops]

excuse the you i'm cute as hell